I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
