I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
