Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Randomize
