Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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