the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
