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you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
