If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Randomize
