If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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