'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
