i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
