i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
