problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
