I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
