I think I died a long time ago.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
