honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize