They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
