My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
