The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
