you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
