I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
You're like the curious george of whores
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
