somebody snuck up and got me drunk
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
