I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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