Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Randomize
