Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
