So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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