Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
