Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
