im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
