I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Randomize
