My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
