the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
