Your face is a jimmy john
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
