I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Who died my cat blue again?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
