Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize