K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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