Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
