Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
