the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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