I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
