i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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