Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize