Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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