it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize