I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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