You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
MIDGETS
????
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
