I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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