come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize