I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize