just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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