he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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