and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
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