9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
