its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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