Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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