She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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