..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
