Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
