you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
