I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Randomize
