so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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