3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Randomize
