my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
