If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
