WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Randomize
