Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
