There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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