I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize