Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
