break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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