sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
